Single & Caffeinated

Relationships with cream and sugar. New episodes whenever I feel like it. Follow us at http://singleandcaffeinated.tumblr.com/.

Category: Not Ok Files

Because I am just not that into you…

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OkC: Don’t mean to be rude but…

So I got this message on OkC today. I read it on my phone (the account was disabled at this point) then went to my computer to screen shot it and post it. Because it was just that ridiculous. Anyway, when I went on my computer, I couldn’t find it. Then I went back on my phone and it was gone. I thought maybe it disappeared because the account was disabled but people have disabled their accounts before after messaging me and their messages stayed. I also didn’t delete it. Weird.

Anyway, down to the point of this post. The message was from a guy who said this:

You seem like someone who could make me really happy.

I have had a really fucked up year and

I think that you would make everything better for me.

Please talk to me soon.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but… I am a human being with my own fucked up shit. I don’t need to be your therapist. Don’t go on OkC and message people trying to guilt them into dating you or talking to you. If you want someone to talk to about your issues go see a therapist. A licensed practitioner of medicine. Not some girl you just thought was cute on the internet. Dating someone isn’t going to solve your psychological issues.

Txt Spk.

Him: wat ^ bbgril wana txt?
Me: No. No, I do not.

 

Not OK: I am not pissing off enough “Men’s Rights” activists.

Today my friend shared this xojane article by Mara Mercer. You can read it by following this link. In the article she describes having her profile posted on a Men’s Rights forum “Men Going Their Own Way.” or as I like to call it “Privileged Cocks Who Don’t Know Shit About The Oppressed Sex”

Was Mara being mean to these men? Did she write in her profile that she hated all men and wanted them to burn in the unending hot fires of the seventh layer of Hell? No. She just wrote in her profile that she was not interested in threesomes or sending nudes. An OkCer and member of MGTOW decided to post her profile and let other men degrade and belittle her and all the while offering to give her a taste of their sad and lonely penises.

While reading it I was thinking, “What a bunch of entitled, embittered, and absolutely ignorant losers!”

Then I thought, “I have pissed off enough dudes on the OkC that I must be on there in some form!”

Sadly, I am not.

Clearly, I am not pissing off enough people by having that I do not want to receive “creepy messages” on my profile and posting my feminist leaning responses to asshats asking for sex on this blog. I am surprised fully by this. Either, I am not pissing people off to my full potential or these people I am responding to actually have lives and don’t go on forums to belittle people.

Not Okfiles: How: “I LOVE KARAOKE! Do you like karaoke?” turned into “Let’s be FWB!?” turned into “U R A Bitch.”

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OkC gives you many options when you create a profile. Namely your “who you are looking for” and “what you are looking for.” So I look for girls & guys, 18 – 30 (arbitrary number), for new friends and long distance pen pals. To Mr. Native, (who I think is such a dbag he doesn’t need privacy) he thinks that this means “fuck buddies” and “cyber sex friends.” 

NO. No it does not. If it meant that I would have said that in my profile. I also would have had “casual sex” in that list somewhere and made sure my status was “Available.” 

Regardless, you’d think when I said “No.” and clarified my intentions the second response he would understand. But no…he just kept coming at me. Until he broke down like the fedora’d weirdo he is. 

What’s more is after my message he actually emailed me in all caps to yell at me for having a profile on OkC and not looking for a boyfriend on the side. THEN told me he blocked me. As if I was being the complete weird stalkery, harassy, weird, assclown. 

I haven’t come across anyone who felt this response was “harsh,” and felt that he quite deserved it for reacting at my non-response the way he did. But in case you are one of them who feel like I was too mean to this poor 29 year old who “didn’t do anything wrong except want to bone me desperately,” let me put in a nice explanation. 

When I am having a not good day, or if I am feeling down about OkC and the type of creeps I am getting – when they’re scaring me and no longer amusing me – I get really anxious. You catch me on a bad day. You’re going to wish you never messaged me at all. I no longer play nice on OkC. I have had too many stalkers and too many let downs. I don’t have time to play nice with fools anymore. If you’re just a dick who is just around to try and have sex with me (not care about me, then ditch me – like a previous man)  then I am going to weed you out and I am not going to be nice about it. 

Not Ok: What does bisexual mean to you?!

Before you read the posted image of a segment of conversation the sender is a young male in the Youngstown area. Before this message the conversation looks like this:

Him: Hey, so you like karaoke. We could totally sing songs together.

Him: I sent that a long time ago and you haven’t got back to me yet just wondering if you saw it.

Me: Yes, sorry, you sent it a few days ago and I have been a little busy and not sitting down responding to people. What is your favorite karaoke song?

Him: Dookie by Greenday. HA.

Then…72332_10100659237105842_2103345241_n

I made this face O_O

I don’t know which assumption bothers me more:

1.) That this man thinks that him telling me his favorite karaoke song counts as “getting to know each other small talk.”

2.) That being bisexual means I must be seeing a girl.

3.) That with said girl relationship I MUST be looking for a threesome.

4.) That I care when his penis is available to attend his made up threesome.

On my profile I have no allusions to any relationship I am in. I also have no talk of potential threesomes or anysomes. I also have “new friends/penpals” and nothing else listed in my “looking for” section.

After this he said, “Well we can be friends.” Then immediately after he said, “FWB?”

[insert grumpy cat saying, NO!]

Here is what bothers me about his assumption here if it is serious and he is not trolling.

5.) Bisexuals must want sex on the side in a relationship.

Nononononononono! False. Wrong. Fail.

I am monogamous. Yes, I am a scorpio and if you’re into astrology that leads me toward I guess, a kind of succubus tendency. But I DON’T LIKE infidelity. At all. I am so loyal and honest it is almost to a fault.

Once I am committed or seriously have my eye on someone I will focus all of my attention and sexual needs toward that person until the relationship is officially terminated.

Bisexual does not mean I want two sexual partners of the two genders  (and maybe, all genders in between) – it just means I appreciate the ladies and the menfolk in a sexually pleasing way and would like to further explore relationships with either one – WHEN SINGLE. But yes, even in a relationship I would be considered bisexual.

There is such a moronic idea floating around all the scumbag guys (and some ladies) of OKC and probably other dating sites that “bisexual” means “group sex facilitator.” Fuck no. That is so false I can’t even. In fact, I know tons of bisexual ladies and bisexual men. They don’t want group sex at all. They just want someone who loves them so that they can have the sexy times and the fun relationship with one or the other.

AJ Walkley from Huffington Post Gay Voices said this,

 The most accurate definition of “bisexual” and “bisexuality” is “attraction to individuals who are the same as me and different from me,” which is the way most bisexual people think of themselves. Think about “homo” meaning “same” and “hetero” meaning “different.” In fact, in the Bisexual Manifesto, written in 1990 by members of the bisexual community, the following was stipulated: “Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings.

Yeah, I am sure there are polyamorous bisexuals out there, like there probably are in every sexuality label group. But not every person wants that kind of experience so before you ask such a stupid question like the person in the OkC conversation why don’t you wait until the other person, uh..I don’t know? Asks?

You see, if my intentions were to find a guy to have sex with in a group sex situation with my partner – I would clearly get that out of the way. I’d probably write it in my profile. Not spend time fashioning a friendly profile to attract friends. OR I would bring it up much later after I have made friends with you and telling me your favorite song to sing…isn’t….really…friends…

Really.

Not Ok: 50% is not a good match percentage

Because I love this blog so much I set up OkCupid on my smartphone so I could receive my messages instantly to my phone.

I get messages all the time, constantly, and update about people who live nearby and “want to meet me, now!”

And it is really a bunch of crap. It is like the guys/girls who live nearby me and “want to meet me, now!” are really the bottom of the pile kind of people. They think they’re juggalos, they talk about pot, they don’t talk about anything, their match scores are low or 0% and their enemy percentages are super high.

Now this is a pretty good sample of people who live close by me. But my okcupid also sends me messages to my phone sent by people who live farther away.

This morning I was awakened by a very forward and really gross message from some guy in Arizona.
The first thing I did was look at his match percentage and it was seriously 45%.
Now I’ve received way lower match messages. Which kind of blows my mind. I usually don’t even entertain a friendship with people who are under 60%. Because, lets be serious…I can read your profile and usually under 50%-ers have HORRIBLE profiles. And if I don’t like how you write, I probably won’t like you.

So this dude, seriously? Do you not have any better options? You have to (seriously) proposition someone for casual sex who lives in Ohio? And this is your first message? I realize that I am so totally awesome, but still…Arizona?

So here is why I am confused: I do not have casual sex listed as something I am “looking for,” (nor would I ever), your match percentage is so low it is almost disgusting, you don’t have a good profile – nothing is written at all – except that you are looking for “casual sex,” and…what is going on?

Alright I am trying to word this without seeming like a cynical asshole. It could be that this guy is just totally trying to become pals with me. That I will laugh at his message and we will become best online friends forever, or something. But I am pretty much 100% sure he is just looking for a chick to talk to online who will send him naked pictures of herself. Because that is the kind of person who is the total opposite of me and who would have a 45% match with me.

This reminds me of two years ago when I was in Erie, PA for a few days while my grandmother was being hospitalized. There was a guy who saw me in a bar getting lunch with my family. He saw me on OkC afterwards and decided to message me about it. His percentage was the lowest I’d ever seen 10%. And he was a total loser.

But he seriously stalked my profile and messaged me constantly. It was like he didn’t understand my lack of interest in my not responding. After about 30 messages, he started sending sad emoticons. Then he started waxing poetic about how “I shouldn’t just ignore his messages because we live so far away from each other.” His profile listed him as living in Buffalo, NY even though he saw me in Eire. Dude, we live like 5 hours away from each other, that is really the last reason for me to not talk to someone, I am not someone who would consider distance a deal breaker at all. It is your loserness that is deal breaking.

I actually almost felt guilty for a while. But then I stopped feeling guilty and started feeling awesome instead.

Not Ok: Don’t take profile building advice from me.

Just got this message on OkC.

kinda [sic] sure admitting to the taking over the world thing might hurt your chances….unless your [sic] just that confident then Kudos..

Bahahahhaha.

I’m kind of sure that admitting that I like death and cats as my first line hurts my chances far more than admitting I want to take over the world. But alright.

Not Ok: Messages that concern me April & March

Here is a sample of some strange messages I receive. There are many more where these came from. I’m just extra lazy.

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Hahahah… not even the potential of the world exploding if we hung out would make me want to hang out with you. Just because, A.) We’re not similar…have you looked at our match points? B.) How do you know, based on my profile how I will react to you? I certainly don’t take the site seriously enough for you to make calls on anything about me. C.) “Too.”

I do, in point of fact, have an awesome sense of humor. But I have little patience for people who (as I’ve looked at his profile) just kind of seem like pretty big shallow jerks. Don’t message me if “you’re fat,” is not really the thing that I would like to see when I click on your name. Really.

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Yeah, sure you can be permanently in my life as the creepy guy I will avoid at all cost. Welcome to my life.

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Are you kidding me? Also am I supposed to be so flattered that I message you back?

Not OK: Should you judge a user by their name?

The Answer is Yes.

“MultiplOrgasms” deleted their profile shortly after sending this message. I think they got that nobody wanted to talk to someone with that name.

Advice for your username:

Go with something creative or at the very least something relevant to your real name/alias.

Like JSmith123 or JaneD321.

That moniker is easy, simple, bland, but also safe. No one is going to be like, “EW!” when they see that.

Don’t use 4U or 69 (unless it is your birth year, or you were born June 9th. And even then…steer clear)

JSmith4U is going to get less responses from me than JSmith1981.

Same thing with “creative names.” Purplepenguin4U won’t even get his message read but PurplePenguin will get read and looked at and perhaps a response.

Also if your names are vaguely sexual they’re only going to attract a certain kind of “audience” please fashion your messages and screen who you are messaging accordingly.
If my profile says I am looking for “just friends” don’t think that someone named BigDick694U who is looking for “casual sex” is going to have ANY LUCK when messaging me.