Not Ok: What does bisexual mean to you?!

by Megan Harris

Before you read the posted image of a segment of conversation the sender is a young male in the Youngstown area. Before this message the conversation looks like this:

Him: Hey, so you like karaoke. We could totally sing songs together.

Him: I sent that a long time ago and you haven’t got back to me yet just wondering if you saw it.

Me: Yes, sorry, you sent it a few days ago and I have been a little busy and not sitting down responding to people. What is your favorite karaoke song?

Him: Dookie by Greenday. HA.


I made this face O_O

I don’t know which assumption bothers me more:

1.) That this man thinks that him telling me his favorite karaoke song counts as “getting to know each other small talk.”

2.) That being bisexual means I must be seeing a girl.

3.) That with said girl relationship I MUST be looking for a threesome.

4.) That I care when his penis is available to attend his made up threesome.

On my profile I have no allusions to any relationship I am in. I also have no talk of potential threesomes or anysomes. I also have “new friends/penpals” and nothing else listed in my “looking for” section.

After this he said, “Well we can be friends.” Then immediately after he said, “FWB?”

[insert grumpy cat saying, NO!]

Here is what bothers me about his assumption here if it is serious and he is not trolling.

5.) Bisexuals must want sex on the side in a relationship.

Nononononononono! False. Wrong. Fail.

I am monogamous. Yes, I am a scorpio and if you’re into astrology that leads me toward I guess, a kind of succubus tendency. But I DON’T LIKE infidelity. At all. I am so loyal and honest it is almost to a fault.

Once I am committed or seriously have my eye on someone I will focus all of my attention and sexual needs toward that person until the relationship is officially terminated.

Bisexual does not mean I want two sexual partners of the two genders  (and maybe, all genders in between) – it just means I appreciate the ladies and the menfolk in a sexually pleasing way and would like to further explore relationships with either one – WHEN SINGLE. But yes, even in a relationship I would be considered bisexual.

There is such a moronic idea floating around all the scumbag guys (and some ladies) of OKC and probably other dating sites that “bisexual” means “group sex facilitator.” Fuck no. That is so false I can’t even. In fact, I know tons of bisexual ladies and bisexual men. They don’t want group sex at all. They just want someone who loves them so that they can have the sexy times and the fun relationship with one or the other.

AJ Walkley from Huffington Post Gay Voices said this,

 The most accurate definition of “bisexual” and “bisexuality” is “attraction to individuals who are the same as me and different from me,” which is the way most bisexual people think of themselves. Think about “homo” meaning “same” and “hetero” meaning “different.” In fact, in the Bisexual Manifesto, written in 1990 by members of the bisexual community, the following was stipulated: “Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings.

Yeah, I am sure there are polyamorous bisexuals out there, like there probably are in every sexuality label group. But not every person wants that kind of experience so before you ask such a stupid question like the person in the OkC conversation why don’t you wait until the other person, uh..I don’t know? Asks?

You see, if my intentions were to find a guy to have sex with in a group sex situation with my partner – I would clearly get that out of the way. I’d probably write it in my profile. Not spend time fashioning a friendly profile to attract friends. OR I would bring it up much later after I have made friends with you and telling me your favorite song to sing…isn’t….really…friends…