Single and Caffeinated Episode 19: Flowers on your Doorstep

by Megan Harris

I live on a relatively busy road in a building with all new residents (except myself).I don’t know these people, we are not best friends forever. So I walk back at 2pm from being at school since 9am…

There is a bouquet of wildflowers nestled on the side of my door. I would have kept walking because I was 1000% sure they were not for me. My mind was like, “Oh look those girls next door got flowers. That’s cute.” Then I stopped and said, “Hey I should see what apartment number they are for and bring them in before the storm blows them away or someone takes them.”

A card sticking out of them had….”Megan,” on it in relatively poor cursive handwriting.

I dropped them suddenly as if they were suddenly going to attack me.

Then I picked them back up again and held them a safe distance from my face. I flipped the card around. It said, “Smile, your beautiful.” [sic]

I felt all these feelings. Flattery. Confusion. Creeped the F out. AND FLOWERS! The only people who ever bought me flowers were men who cheated on me and my mom. I tried not to let that last thought hold much weight.

So I sat down and looked at them. Trying desperately to figure out who bought me these flowers. Well, not to brag/or sound like a whore, but I have plenty of men who vie for my attention at any given point. Regardless of how lonely or sad or lame I feel for not being in a “normal, long term, stable” relationship like some of my peers I am certainly never low on men trying to fill that position.

So I came up with around 10 or so men who have in the last 12 months expressed interest me (and 9 of which who ultimately had been turned down one way or another) at multiple points. I took out six who had no idea where I lived. One who may have been able to figure it out, but I doubt for reasons such as the distance. No this was definitely a DIY kind of flower drop.

So I was left with three.

Three men who had expressed interest in me and knew where my apartment at least was located/the name of my apartment building, which is written across the front.

So then I stared at them.

Could it have been person 1? No person 1 was in a relationship.

Could it have been person 2? No person 2 is a loser who would not have thought of flowers. But maybe beer. Well, maybe, person 2 has been trying to woo me more now that I have come back from my last trip to see the person I have supercrush feelings for – as if coming back denoted that he had a chance.

Could it have been person 3? Well person 3 and I just met last night and just really talked for like a few hours. When he tried to touch my leg as he drove me home I instinctively pulled away and mentioned that I do not want to be touched by him. I made a point a few times during the night to mention my supercrush non-intrusively only when person 3 had been staring at my chest too long for my comfort.

Then it hit me. It was person three.

Person three is a coworker and when I figured it out I was about to go into work.

So I walked in, he made eye contact with me, I subtly dunked behind a cubicle.
He came over to my cubicle as I was logging in to my station and this conversation ensued:

Three: So, did you get my flowers?
Megan: [feigning surprise – but monotone] Oh, that was you?
Three: Wow, “that was me?” You seriously have that many guys who would leave you flowers at your door. Well that makes me feel really great.
Megan: Well, yeah, at least ten.
Three: AT LEAST TEN?!? [walks away defeated]

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