Single and Caffeinated Episode 016: You’re from Youngstown, too. Small World! – Advice to Youngstown Men Part I.
by Megan Harris
The title comes from a strange single lined message I received today on a dating site.
Now I usually let my OkC build up an impressing array of messages before I log on to read through them and slowly grow more sad for the world.
I wouldn’t label myself single at this point. I am definitely not interested in seeing other people than the current person I have feelings for. But I can’t help but feel sad for these Youngstowners that are vying for my attention on a dating website.
And it isn’t at all that I feel like I want to even date them or that I would if they had some sort of brain situation going on. It is just this need to message them and be like, “Let me help you!”
So here is my unsolicited advice to Youngstown guys who may never see this.
I will do Scene Boys today, and then do everyone else…later.
Scene boys, you seem to message me a lot. A lot of you. Just out of high school. Have better and girly-er figures than I do. That is really sad to me. Your hair is really thick and poofy. Sometimes longer hair on guys can be cute and fun to play with. But seriously, when it gets in your eyes I just…it just doesn’t work for me. That is a hair style I expect to see on the hot lesbian I want to make out with, not the hot guy I want to make out with. The hair is somewhat and could be forgivable but these next few things you do are absolutely repulsive and you should just quit it fullstop.
1.) Why do all your pictures look like you had a multiple outfit photoshoot in your bathroom one day.
You probably take more bathroom pictures than I do. That is sad. Sometimes I take bathroom photos if I feel the need to highlight a fun make up art-y thing I did, or some nail situation. I don’t feel the need however, to take 30 shots of me making the same kissy face and wearing different shirts each time.
2.) Why for the love of all things cheese do you feel like you need to have 6 fucking piercings on your lips.
I like piercings. I think they are cute. Or fun really. I like tattoos. I do not think 6 piercings on your lips is really awesome. In fact it kind of scares me a bit. Like I would be making out with some industrial piece of equipment. Or like one of those things they use and restaurants that french fries potatoes. Like, “Oh, hi thanks for kissing me and shredding my lips into long strips!”
3.) Wearing multiple belts on your jeans.
Why are you wearing 4 belts right now? I don’t even own 4 belts right now. If you need that many belts why don’t you just get jeans that fit?