Single and Caffeinated Episode 014: In which randomness is disguised as an actual episode.

by Megan Harris

Here is some random things that have happened to me in the past week related to people trying to hit on me…and failing quite horribly.

I am far too lazy to do anything else with regards to writing at the moment and I fell into a sneaky depression spiral earlier on this weekend. So I mean, yeah.

OkCupid message from a random Youngstown drunk-fratboy:

hahaha I actually read your entire profile, I lol’d. You remind me alot of a close friend.

I can only imagine that he read the entire profile on his iPhone whilst he was holding a bud light and hanging all over all the undeaged girls he is with in all his pictures.

A random wrong number-text message


And then I got a message from someone who started their profile out like this:

First i would like to start off with some romantic poems i have made. If they creep you out GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! FIND A MAN WHO WILL TREAT YOU TERRIBLY AND THEN CRY ABOUT IT! DAMN most of you women are uneducated goons that do not give the right guys even a chance and it makes no sense once so ever.

And then they continued to start every line of their poems with a “.” and end it with a “.”

They also had this hair:


Without the crown and the cute little girlness. Since they were Twenty-fucking-five years old and scene hair is for 12 year old girls who listen to My Chemical Romance. 

I did message them back and say:

Just so you know, Sylvia Plath married a very good poet, Ted Hughes, and he was an abusive fuck who eventually pushed her into killing herself. But yeah, I am sure it is just that women are uneducated goons and has nothing to do with the fact that your poetry is straight from your 9th grade composition notebook.