Single and Caffeinated Episode 013: My sexuality isn’t for you, or why I don’t want to date guys who think my sexuality is “cute”

by Megan Harris

Okay, it is Sunday and not Monday, but who cares?

So I went out to a couple bars last night with some friends. We ended up at University Pizzaria.

Okay so I don’t know how the conversation came about but talk about my sexuality came up. Which, for those of you unaware, is that I consider myself bisexual. Now I constantly get called out on this on OkCupid which annoys me greatly. But what annoys me more are people who bring it up in person while at the same time they are trying to get in my pants.

I don’t normally like to bring it up at bars because there is always one person in the bar who gets angry about it.  This time it was the bartender who kept trying to pick me up any way.

He is this short, hipster glasses wearing, bald geek of a dude. My friends and I were really entertained by his Star Wars shirt and we all ended up talking about Star Wars prior to the whole sexuality conversation. He said, “Hey, here is a question. Would you go on a date with a guy like me?”

I said, “Hypothetically?”

He said, “Yeah. Would a girl like you go on a date with a guy like me?”

I said, “Well, you seem really nice and you’re wearing a Star Wars shirt. So perhaps.”

Then at some point my sexuality came up and the bartender came over from the other side of the bar to give his unwanted opinion over it.

He started kind of berating it. He was saying, “When I was 23 I used to think it was cute and hot when a girl was bisexual and now that I am older I jut want a girl who just wants a guys”

I said, “Well, my sexuality isn’t my sexuality because guys might think it is cute or hot. My sexuality is mine because I am sexually attracted to people of both sexes.”

He started talking about how a bisexual girl will leave you for a girl if you’re a guy and how that is unfair and this and that.

I said, “A straight girl can leave a guy for a guy. And a straight guy can leave a girl for another girl. Same thing for people of the same sex. Just because someone is bisexual doesn’t make them a flighty or flaky relationship person.”

At some point he got the idea that I was bisexual because I had “bad experiences” with men. He said, “Don’t let a few guys ruin all guys for you.”

I said, “Dude, I have been bisexual before I got into any relationships.”

Then he repeated the whole not thinking bisexuality was cute situation and how any guy who was really serious about having a relationship with me would agree with him. I said, “Well, I mean, I am not really interested in having a relationship with any guy who is judging me based on my personal sexual preferences that I don’t control. So it doesn’t really matter at that point.”

Later on, he came over to try and ask me out on a “real” date. In which I turned him down. But he said, “So would you go out with me? Or am I not your type?”

My friend butted it, “Seriously, I feel like Megan doesn’t really care about what type of guy you are. If she doesn’t go out with you it will be because you said, ‘I think that you are saying you’re bisexual because you think it is cute but it isn’t.'”

I pointed at my friend and said, “This.”


Eventually after a conversation about a guy I am really into (which I haven’t been able to talk to said friend about yet and she was very surprised I was actually as into said person as I described because I usually ‘just kind of like’ people), in which the bartender heard, he left me alone. So that was good.

I have very little patience for people who like to insult my sexuality or think that I am “confused” or a “cheater” or “flaky” or “noncommittal” because I claim to like both guys and girls sexually.

Here are some bullet points that you should know about my personal sexuality:

  • I am not attracted to just any girl or any guy. I am attracted to a person for their unique and interesting personality.
  • I don’t have a “type,” I either think you’re attractive or I don’t.
  • I am very, very, very picky. It is very rare for me to really be wholeheartedly into someone.
  • For a very long time (much of my life) I only found myself attracted to people who made it known they were into me. This wasn’t how my attraction happened in my current situation – so this is probably/hopefully not a thing I do anymore. But this made it difficult in the past to meet girls because I would only make moves on someone who made moves on me. And for some reason, no girls really make moves on me. Except maybe once or twice in my life.
  • I have no interest in a guy or girl who likes me because they think my sexuality is cute or fun. Just like I have no interest in dating someone who thinks my sexuality is bullshit.

I’m sorry “fake bisexuals” and girls who like to act like lesbians so you will buy them drinks have ruined other bisexuals for you. But it isn’t my problem. I am only interested in being with someone who appreciates me and respects my ability to have my own mind, have my own opinions, and do my own thing. I have been with so many people in the past who like to demean me for my sexuality, my life choices, and whatever they thought made me inferior to them. The last thing I want to do is find myself in a relationship with someone who will do all of that again.