Single & Caffeinated Episode 010: Are you breaking or breaking up?
by Megan Harris
This is early, but okay.
So, one of my closest guy friends recently “broke up” with his girlfriend of over two years now. They met indirectly through me: I made him sign up for a website, they met on there. In context of religion and personal hobbies and passions they are probably the most perfect two people could be for each other. Unfortunately through the course of their relationship they’ve spent a lot of time apart, here’s why:
Though when they met she was living and working in Pennsylvania, she is actually from Minnesota. She has super, super, super strong roots with religion and her family and her homesickness and needing/wanting to go back has been somewhat of a tension between them. After three months of dating she moved back, they stayed together, made it work. It was really cute. After about almost a year she recently (before I left for England) moved back here, got a job, and some roommates. Unfortunately cracks begin to show in their relationship. Easy fixes really but I think that the fact he never had to deal with a relationship of this depth before made him a little clumsy with it. But regardless of the cracks they kept on. There was some talk of them moving to Florida together and then one day they just…broke up.
He was utterly devastated. I’d never, ever, ever seen my friend (of almost seven years) so distraught.
More recently they have been hanging out and posting smiley faces at each other on facebook. He came over to my house last night and told me that they were “sort-of together, but not really.” She’s going back to Minnesota again and he is taking this opportunity to branch out and make a move to California in the near future. So I asked rather bluntly, “What is the difference between her moving to Minnesota now and when she moved a year ago and you two stayed together?”
He couldn’t answer. But I believe the main difference is that now there are cracks. Cracks that maybe both of them don’t know how to fix. And maybe running away from their problems is a method they think will fix it.
I am both on their sides while being against them. Here is why, I have been her, moving to a place where I knew very few people (she knew tons more – and being able to work/have roommates let her build a very big social circle) and missing my family. But I also know him and know that he is probably one of the nicest most caring and loyal people you will ever meet. They had their biggest fight when I was in England but it basically broke him into a million pieces because he found out that she was unhappy and sort of blamed him for feeling disconnected from her religion and her family. That is a really big blame to put on someone.
But I also have been him because she has a habit of grudge holding and wording issues in a way that maybe they shouldn’t be worded. In result, the problems deepen but never really get resolved because he takes them the wrong way.
At my house we were both sitting next to each other on our laptops: he wanted to look at/talk to girls on OkCupid. So I logged into mine and tried to look for some girls. But every time he messaged a girl he would stop and start feeling guilty or sad. I asked him why he felt guilty for messaging girls he thought were cute.
Him: I don’t know why.
Me: Do you feel like she owns you or something?
Him: No…its not that.
Him: Yes it is.
Me: Well, she broke up with you. She doesn’t get to own you. Talk with who you want if it’ll make you feel better.
Him: What would make me feel better is being in a relationship with her.
Me: Well, when is that going to happen?
Him: We were talking, like we might get back together in a couple years.
Me: Well a couple years is kind of a long time. You might want to do something to make you happy until then. And if that is having pointless conversations with chicks on OkC then just do it. Because otherwise you’re just going to feel like shit.
Apparently my logic made sense so he tried to talk to people online.
Hilarity ensued when him, my other friend, and myself all went on Omegle. It was a pretty good night.