Single and Caffeinated Episode 002: Your Guy “Friend”

by Megan Harris

Women, you all have them, that guy you think is your best friend. You can tell him anything.

But he looks at you strangely sometimes and you may have even made out with him in a single drunken stupor at one point. Hell, you may have even dated for a very short amount of time. But you’ve friend zoned him and you think that he understands this.

Well, he doesn’t.

I know this by first hand experience. I have a guy friend and we dated for a pretty short amount of time. It wasn’t a few weeks or anything. A few months. I fell for him pretty hard with in that short time but he didn’t want any of that. So we broke up and remained friends. He went on to date and fall in love with other people in the four years (so far) of our friendship. And so had I. Once I had entertained the idea of dating him again years ago and he quickly shut me down. So I dropped it. But he would still try to kiss me sometimes or “look at me lovingly.” When questioned he would deny feelings and say that I was crazy.

Recently I told him about a crush I had on a guy who lives sort of far from me. But not super far. Close enough that I am planning to visit him to get to know him better. So I excitedly tell this to my closest guy friend. He flips out on me in the bar we are at. And it comes out that he is madly in love with me and always has been.

Let me tell you all. Love in real life is not a romantic comedy. You can’t just go up to someone whose heart you broke years ago and simply say, “Hey I love you, now! Pick me!”

That isn’t how that works.

Especially when the person you’ve so persistently denied no longer holds the same feelings for you as she used to. This may not be true in all cases but it is true for me. When I decide I am not in love with someone any more…that is it. It is over and there is no getting back that feeling that was lost.

My suggestion for all guy “friends”: Tell your girl “friend” how you feel before you explode on her in a crowded bar. Preferably privately and without needing to be confronted about it. The worst thing that will happen is that she will say, “Hey, I don’t want you that way.” Then you can sweep up your broken heart and go chase another girl around. Don’t expect us to just know or eventually realize the love you have for us. And even if we do, don’t expect us to fall lovingly into your arms at this epiphany. We all have our own lives to lead and our own loves to find.