Single & Caffeinated

Relationships with cream and sugar. New episodes whenever I feel like it. Follow us at http://singleandcaffeinated.tumblr.com/.

Not Typical…

nottypical

Because I am just not that into you…

With a name like…

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No, no I would not.  

 

But thanks! 

You’re kidding, right?

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Thanks for the invite to your pity party! Sorry no one talks to you, it can’t be because of your username. 

 

 

I mean, what the hell, really….?

Search Term Time!

Let’s go through the search terms that lead so many people to this blog.

scene hair

If you came to this blog for Scene Hair, you came to the wrong place.

ask profesor [sic] out via email

No, don’t do that. That is bad form.

how to ask professir [sic] out

Oh…dear…please don’t.

cute 12 year old girls

What?! What!? Wrong place for that. 

bad relationships tearing down your psyche

True life. Those happen. And they suck. But you’re probably awesome. So go here if you need help and please, when you’re out volunteer at a hotline or a shelter to help others! It is a fantastic and rewarding experience to help other people get out of bad situations. 

pick up line coffies

What is a coffies?

is bisexuality ok

Yes. 

have you asked a professor out?

Nope, but my friend did and she is awesome. 

fuck caffeine seriously

Oh… :(

what does bisexual mean pic gallery

Uh…. this sounds like a bad combo that leads to porn. 

being bisexual is not okay

That attitude is not okay. 

caffeine pick up lines

Come over to my place, I love you a latte.

Ba dum Tsssh

when a guy does karaoke does it mean he’s gay

No, not that being gay is a bad thing. 

forum mens rights losers

I believe you’re looking for Men Going Their Own Way. 

is it ok to be bisexual

Yes.

pissing sex

Omg, no thanks. 

etiquette saying hi when passing on sidewalk

Yes, that is considered proper social etiquette.

difjjdufgy

Um…Ok.

okfiles

The OkC files are Not Ok. 

in my longest term relationship ever and freaking out

Just breathe! It will be okay. If you’re happy, just go with it. Fix what can be fixed and when/if the relationship has run its course know when to let it go. Sometimes that last part is a hard lesson to learn for relationship novices. 

on the phone while dating

Uhmmmmm?

pissing
pissing men

Wrong place for you searchers. All…150 of you.

pof cute girls

Not here. No cute POFers on this blog. 

cute 12 yr old girl

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THIS. Stop. Stahp! [I actually really say stop like "stahp" Hello accent!] 

thanks

Not Ok: I’m sorry, but are you illiterate?

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A Tale of Dating Megan Past

When I was in high school (and prior to) I was a tiny little thing, standing at 4′ 11” and growing to 5′ 1”. I weighed at my most 65-75 lbs. I suffered from horrible body image problems. My senior year the biggest things on my body were my breasts and butt. I spent all of my life up until that point being put down by every female out of my friend group.

In my freshman year at 15, puberty had finally hit me the year prior over the summer and I had just lost my braces. Suddenly, I fell prey to handfuls of horny senior boys. I didn’t have a big head about it, no. It happened all the time in my school of less than 300 people.  Mostly I was pretty freaked out by them. I dated a senior briefly that summer. It was a huge thing for me to even kiss him and honestly it actually really grossed me out. So I would really not want to even spend a lot of time with him because I felt like he was pushing me to do a lot of stuff I didn’t really want to do. He also whined about his life, a lot. I think at one point I said, “What are you 18? Stop being a baby and get a damn job if you need one so bad.” After about a month I told him to stop calling me.

Then I had a guy whom had graduated (a friend of a friend) literally stalk my best friend (Nicole) and myself. Going so far as to leave roses on my porch multiple times and having mutual friends leave notes and love songs in my locker. I largely ignored it. But the stalking progressed. Eventually he got the hint from me but continued to stalk my friend. Another much older guy, who was a friend (John), was also massively obsessed with both Nicole and me. Even though he had a girlfriend whom he had subsequently gotten pregnant he still would make subtle hints that Nicole/myself were “the one for him.” We would consistently turn him down. But he never really stopped saying it. At one point he said to me, “Megan lets make a pact. If we’re not married by the time you’re 25, let’s marry each other.”

I said, “Ew, no! What the hell John?!”

Another time he offered to walk me home from a video game playing party our friend group had. He started to creep me out by staring at me so I said, “My house is just down this hill…so you can go back.”

He gave me a hug and then looked me in the eyes really intensely. I looked back at him with my eyebrow raised and my mouth pursed confused, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

“Kill you and hide your body in the woods,” Then I pushed him away from me, “Stop being a weirdo. Go home.”

-

To be honest I had a very fantastical view of love. As a child I was fed a constant diet of classic rock love songs and Disney movies. I didn’t think I would meet my prince/princess charming soulmate in high school. But I figured they were probably out there floating around in the ether. Everyone paired up in high school. My friends ordered wedding magazines and were sitting around planning weddings and baby names. I just sat in class and watched them with a sense of morbid curiosity. I mean, what did I know about love? Who was I to say they weren’t going to spend the rest of their lives with these first guys they dated? So I didn’t say anything. I just agreed to be in their weddings and be the godmother to their future children. (So glad that they all forgot about the latter promise.)

I also dated. But not seriously. I mean, I felt it was serious enough but I wasn’t comfortable with kissing or anything early on so I just would purposely avoid it. I had a boyfriend off and on. His name was Ken. I, for some weird reason, was seriously obsessed with him. I didn’t want to marry him and was weirded out after we broke up (the 3rd time) and he gave me a promise ring. (Which I kept…WHY? Then gave back my junior year once I was tired of his bullshit.) But yes. Ken and I would date for a week or two days. During these periods we would talk on the phone, walk class to class, and sometimes hold hands if I felt up to physical contact. After about a couple days he would cheat on me. Then have one of my friends tell me (in graphic detail of all the girls he would sleep with) and then tell me he wanted to break up.

The first time it happened I was distraught. I had to go home because I couldn’t face running to him in the halls. A few days later after break ups he would call me and ask to be friends or his mom would call my mom and they would chat about how “in love” with me he was. We always ended up talking every night even when he was dating other people. After a couple more dates and break ups because of cheating. He started to seriously date this girl. We stopped talking. I wasn’t happy about it but I wasn’t terribly sad either.

I just kept doing my own thing. I had plenty of other stuff on my plate to worry about that wasn’t some guy dating a girl. So I would just go to class and read books and write things. Eventually my junior year, we dated again. Then after about a day, at some weird school dance, he sent a friend again – to break up with me for him. I walked over to him as he made out with this new girl he had apparently met while I was in the restroom for 2 minutes. I called him a coward and told him to not ever speak to me again. Then I walked out and walked home, alone, in the darkness at 11 o’clock at night. I felt pretty accomplished. I was a “prude” but at least I was an honest prude. (Honestly, I just wanted to not go around kissing people I could barely trust. Still today, I am like that.)

At least he listened to me. I didn’t hear from him again. Until senior year when “the friend he makes break up with me for him” told me that he had all these fantasies of proposing to me. I told her to tell him to fuck off. Which she did, bless her heart. In my senior year I dated a friend over the summer prior, which was a horrible mistake, because it was the same summer I lived full time in Meadville. Watching and taking care of your dying grandfather is not conducive to having a relationship. We broke up before summer was over. It took a while for us to be friends again and by that point I met my longest term (still my longest relationship ever) boyfriend, Adam. Who was my gateway boyfriend into basically everything that comes with a relationship. All the way up to planning a future together. We were still both stupid and immature and it seems even more stupid and immature when I look back on it at 26. We were both about to turn 21 when we broke up. At the same time he and a very close friend of mine were involved in different major and terrible car accidents within a week of the break up. I have no doubt in my mind that these major car accidents, even though I did not experience them, had a major impact on my driving phobia.  

The dating past is the dating past. I am glad I had it. I learned a lot. I learned how to be strong. I learned what behaviors I couldn’t handle. Whiners, Cowards, Cheaters, Creeps. I learned how to learn to trust. It was affirmed to me that being careful with my heart was important. That I had to really care about someone before I could even kiss them (I still do that). I learned how to balance a relationship with a life. That it was possible to have my own life and not start planning a wedding and picking godmothers. I learned that most people are total douche bags to you because they’re stupid (and I still learn that everyday) and that being in love is hard work. To let go of shallow people and shallow things. I learned to love unconditionally. To me loving someone despite flaws became something I wanted and what I felt I was capable of. That anyone who couldn’t love me the way I could love was not worth my time.

After my break up, with high-school-last-boyfriend, a friend texted me, “Megan you’re the only person I’ve ever known who loves people the way they do in movies. It is actually really beautiful.”

Thanks for that classic rock and Disney. 

OkC: Don’t mean to be rude but…

So I got this message on OkC today. I read it on my phone (the account was disabled at this point) then went to my computer to screen shot it and post it. Because it was just that ridiculous. Anyway, when I went on my computer, I couldn’t find it. Then I went back on my phone and it was gone. I thought maybe it disappeared because the account was disabled but people have disabled their accounts before after messaging me and their messages stayed. I also didn’t delete it. Weird.

Anyway, down to the point of this post. The message was from a guy who said this:

You seem like someone who could make me really happy.

I have had a really fucked up year and

I think that you would make everything better for me.

Please talk to me soon.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but… I am a human being with my own fucked up shit. I don’t need to be your therapist. Don’t go on OkC and message people trying to guilt them into dating you or talking to you. If you want someone to talk to about your issues go see a therapist. A licensed practitioner of medicine. Not some girl you just thought was cute on the internet. Dating someone isn’t going to solve your psychological issues.

Txt Spk.

Him: wat ^ bbgril wana txt?
Me: No. No, I do not.

 

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